Inked Scars: Requiem
by Kirabaros
Summary: Seems like Angela is feeling down after Gadreel was expelled and Sam has been trying to make her feel better. He does it the only way he knows how by 'taking a walk'. A sequel of sorts to the one shot Inked Scars where it's Sam reminding Angela about why she is still there with him.


**Inked Scars: Requiem**

It had been Dean's call and it was a risky one but they had to break Sam out of his 'dream' that Gadreel had put him in when he completely took over Sam's body. It was Dean's call to have Castiel burn off Sam's anti-possession tattoo so that Crowley could smoke in and hopefully snap Sam out of it so he could eject Gadreel. She had no say in it since she wasn't there but that was her fault… not Dean's. She should have tried harder and then maybe Kevin would still be alive.

Angela sat at the desk she had commandeered for her use in the library. Actually it was the one that Kevin used when he wanted a change of location while working on the word of God. It was an interesting way of torturing herself since they wouldn't have been in this mess if she hadn't said yes to Dean's request and she hadn't given in to her own selfish desire. She looked at the piece of paper she had been drawing on; she had been doing a lot of that lately and mostly it was of memories that just were bad or ones like when she was dying and what she saw there. It was a sure way to be on the crazy train but it made her feel better.

The particular one she was doing was when she would pause and watch Kevin huddle over the word and writing his notes. She rounded out Kevin's shoulder with her charcoal pencil and thought about what had happened then. Gadreel had kidnapped her and for what reason, she didn't know except that he wouldn't let Metatron touch her or harm her in any way. She escaped somehow, actually she sort of knew how and didn't like talking about it, and found Dean, Crowley and possessed Sam and she jumped in making it a foursome and it was a wonder Sam's mind didn't blow.

It went well since Sam expelled the angel and Crowley smoked out back into his own meat suit; bloody bastard kept his word but mostly for his 'sweetheart'. It didn't go so well between Sam and Dean and it gave her a headache because she was involved in that as well and Sam kept coming to her. She looked at her right hand and the ring he gave her when they got married and returned to her since for some odd reason it fell off when she got sucked into Purgatory. She felt that she wasn't worthy to wear it anymore but she couldn't bring herself to take it off because it would hurt Sam and that would hurt worse than her Purgatory problem that may never be fixed.

Sighing she went back to work on her drawing until she pulled out another sheet of paper and started on something else. It was something to do apart from reading and just doing daily chores for the men in the bunker like fixing meals and the like. Just because she was a traitorous bitch didn't mean she had to let the house go so to speak. She started sketching nothing in particular at first but then the lines started to form but she wasn't really seeing it. Her thoughts were on other things and didn't notice that Sam had been watching her the entire time.

Sam was frustrated with everything. He wasn't angry with her. He understood why she helped Dean. She said it was selfish of her and said it with such self-loathing that he could recall a time when he said the same thing about himself. When did the roles become reversed? More likely they hadn't and it was a well-kept secret of hers and just thinking about it was painful. He loved her deeply; she made him whole and her insistent that she wasn't worthy…

Looking at her, he saw her shoulders sag. It was like he was seeing the life she had been so vibrant with even when they were in deep shit with the Apocalypse was dying and almost gone. It was like she was losing her will to be everything he fell in love with and was waiting for him to drop the ax on her neck. Logically it was her being unselfish; her pain didn't matter because if she could fix it then it was moot but in his mind… it was stupid. Long and short of it, the whole damn thing was stupid.

He thought it had gotten better when he joined her in the rooms she had moved into. She had said she was sorry and he was sorry but… He gave a slight chuckle that was humorless. She was behaving like he did with the demon blood thing. There was only one way to deal with this kind of situation and he took a couple of tentative steps forward, "Angie?"

Angela continued her sketch and finished the edges and then turned towards Sam, "Did you need something Sam?"

She wasn't looking at him again. Sam sighed silently trying to be patient about that. "I didn't need anything," he said, "But… talk a walk? Please?"

"Where to? There is nothing but woods for miles and I don't feel like playing with Sami and Lydia's pups are wild little bastards."

"Then around the bunker or we can take Deanna and go somewhere different," Sam offered and for maybe twice in his life referred to her car by the name she gave it. He didn't want to beg and he suspected that was why she wasn't looking him in the eye. "Please. And if it will make you feel better… we can take Gideon."

"It's not about feeling better."

Sam opened his mouth slightly and his features contorted into a look that was showing his sadness and the need to beg that she not push him out. He couldn't help but say, "Don't push me away, Angie. You and I both know that it doesn't work."

There was silence for a moment and Sam feared that she may just do what he was asking her not to do. Finally she said, "Do you want to drive?"

Sam took it for what it was and extended his hand, his intention clear. Taking her by the hand he took her down to the garage where Deanna had been stored and dutifully maintained by her loving hands. He put her in the car like he did when he would take her out for whatever reason and took the wheel after opening the garage. He hit the road taking no direction in particular.

It was a cabin that she had found that overlooked a valley about ten miles when they moved into the bunker. Sam had been to it once and remembered where it was. It looked like whoever owned it had forgotten it but it looked fairly well kept. He pulled Deanna up to it and looked at the building and then Angela. She just blinked at the place slowly and took a deep breath like it was the first real breath she had taken. To Sam he felt like he had done the right thing bringing her here as he let Gideon out to run around before giving her a hand out.

The walk along the edge overlooking the valley was peaceful. Sam didn't try to press for conversation. They didn't always need to talk to be together and enjoy each other's company. He gently clasped her hand into his and held it and felt relief when her fingers relaxed and intertwined with his. They had stopped at the high point that gave a good view of the valley when Angela said, "This is very much like when…"

Sam looked around. It did look familiar and realized what she was going to say. He finished it for her, "Like when we were dying."

"Yes," Angela confirmed with a nod. She gave a slight smile as she stared ahead. "It was one of the few times when I was in that place between life and death that it looked… pleasant. Peaceful."

"I remember when you showed this place to me and Dean. You looked happy. This place makes you happy," Sam said as he looked at her and took in her expression. He felt his lip twitch in a smile glad that she was happy. "And… I'm happy when you are."

Angela looked at Sam with a wide eyed look and asked, "Even after what I did to you?"

"You didn't do anything to me Angie," Sam said after a pause. He held fast to her hand so she wouldn't run though she technically throw him aside if she wanted and hike out on foot. "And I'm not mad with you. You made a choice and did the one thing that I always wanted for you… to do something for yourself."

"And chasing you through hell because I had enough wasn't enough?"

It had been uttered quietly but it was as effective if she had shouted at him. It was full of that self-loathing he was familiar with. Sam looked at her and still held onto her hand, "And why did you do it? Why did you agree to let Gadreel stay in me and not tell me? You always do things for a reason and it goes deeper than what you do for anyone."

"Because I am selfish Sam," she replied before looking away. She sighed and added, "And because I love you. You are the one good thing in my life in spite of everything ever said and done. And we both know what happens when I get pissed about good things take from me. Where has that gotten me except more blood on my hands?"

"And there is nothing wrong with wanting something for yourself," Sam countered, "Because if anyone deserves a reward or whatever you want to call it… it's you." He paused a moment and looked over the valley. He still held her hand and he found she didn't want to let go either. Finally he said, "You know better than anyone the good and the bad can hurt, be painful and… leaves scars."

Angela looked at Sam the moment he mentioned scars. "Scars?"

"Yeah," Sam nodded and turned her to grasp both her hands. His fingers rubbed her ring, glad she hadn't decided to take it off because she was feeling 'unworthy'. "Everything gets pushed in and becomes permanent and is still there long after everything fades but…it can be a reminder of why you the things you do. They have for me." He tapped the area above his heart and then tentatively reached around her back and tapped right where her stab wound was from when Jess died.

Angela let Sam touch her in one of her more sensitive spots. She could feel it through the fabric of her shirt and it always reminded her… except when he touched it but she got his point. She knew what he meant by his speech. She gave the same speech long ago before she accidentally killed herself. He had grasped her hands again and he was caressing them, tracing the scar on her palm, tracing the contours of her hands. He had always liked holding and touching her hands even when he couldn't name why.

Sam took the silence in as she thought about what he said. He caressed her hands and felt the scar on her palm. He caught her looking at the one on his hand between the knuckles. He gently said, "Sometimes the ink can be reapplied and made visible again or it can fade but it is still there. It doesn't mean I love you any less."

Angela studied Sam's hands as they held hers. It just had been so hard because… maybe she was tired like she said. She was tired of things happening to good people because evil's bitches were wreaking havoc. Now there was a major problem with Abaddon and of course Gadreel and Metatron and the insurrection of heaven… It made the Apocalypse look like cake walk and the wars of conversion were a family dinner. And yet she was still walking around and she knew why.

Looking up at Sam she asked, "Is this your way of asking me to fix what Cas took off?"

"Would it help if I said it was?"

Angela smiled at Sam a small toothy smile. They were even rarer than her full blown smiles. "Maybe," she replied.

"Then it is," Sam replied with a smile. "I'll take what I get. I have one lifetime with you and I aim to make the most of it. I want to." He looked into her eyes and noticed the sparkle that indicated her vibrancy start to return. It was a good thing and he nodded as he pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. "I mean it," he added in a whisper.

Angela accepted the kiss and gave one back. "Alright. Come on." She turned towards the cabin and tugged on his hand.

"Now?"

Angela looked at him and raised her brow. "Yeah." At Sam's look, she explained, "I have the necessary supplies in the cabin. One of the perks of this place being a sanctuary."

Sam raised his brow questioningly, "This is a sanctuary?"

"Mm-hmm," Angela nodded. She looked around and gave a slight smile when she heard birds singing. "You remember Kess? He… gave it to me. He just thought it funny that I find it like I did." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's Kess."

"And he has a sense of humor more like Cas," Sam replied in agreement.

"I found out about it but never came back since I showed it to you. Busy."

Sam understood. He nodded, "Okay." He followed her to the cabin. It really did look like the one they walked into when they were dying. It occurred to him that maybe she did that whole life flashing before her eyes thing or it was that bond thing and a memory they shared at play. After everything, he wasn't going to try and explain it. He let Angela lead him to the cabin with Gideon on their heels.

Angela paused before going up the stairs to the door. She looked at Sam and asked, "You trust me?"

"Always," Sam answered readily. She had always asked him that before they became an item and occasionally since them. It was sort of like saying 'I love you' and was a reaffirmation of that. He squeezed her hand gently.

Angela smiled and climbed the stairs, her hand still in Sam's. She was surprised when Sam got close behind her and said, "So… when you're finished…" He whispered something in her ear.

"Maybe," she said with a smile before she opened the door.

It wasn't hard to find the necessary supplies for making the ink. Sam watched as she mixed everything and pulled out the reed pen that would be her needle. He didn't even wait for her to ask where he wanted it. He just took off his shirt and sat in the easy chair as she pulled up her chair and got to work. True that this latest thing was a major scar, but Sam was willing to work through it with her; it affected them both and long when the sting was gone it would still be there. The point was to keep moving forward and remember.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay we all know that Cas had to burn Sam's tattoo off so Crowley can do his thing. What if Angie reapplied it after a nice conversation between her an Sam. Bears ties to Inked Scars. Enjoy...


End file.
